Family and Describing Relationships

The In-Group (Uchi) vs. Out-Group (Soto) Cultural Concept

In Japanese culture and language, there is a fundamental distinction known as uchi (inside/in-group) and soto (outside/out-group). Your own family belongs to your in-group (uchi), while another person's family belongs to the out-group (soto). Because politeness in Japanese often involves lowering yourself or your group to show humility while elevating others to show respect, you must use completely different vocabulary depending on whose family you are talking about.

When referring to your own family members to someone outside your household, you use humble vocabulary without honorific titles like -san. Conversely, when referring to someone else's family members, you use polite, honorific forms that frequently include honorific prefixes like o- or go-, along with the suffix -san or -sama.

Talking About Your Own Family (Humble Terms)

When discussing your own family members with an acquaintance, teacher, or colleague, use these humble terms: kazoku (家族 - family), ryoushin (両親 - parents), chichi (父 - father), haha (母 - mother), ani (兄 - older brother), ane (姉 - older sister), otouto (弟 - younger brother), and imouto (妹 - younger sister). For a spouse, you can use otto (夫 - husband) or shujin (主人 - husband), and tsuma (妻 - wife) or kanai (家内 - wife). For children, use kodomo (子供 - child/children).

Consider this example sentence: 'Chichi wa kaishain de, haha wa kyoushi desu' (父は会社員で、母は教師です - My father is an office worker, and my mother is a teacher). Notice that you do not attach -san to chichi or haha. Doing so when speaking to an outsider would sound boastful or childish.

An important exception occurs inside your own home: when directly calling out to or addressing your own parents and older siblings, you do use the polite forms (such as otousan or oneesan). However, the moment you speak about them to a person outside your family circle, you must revert to the humble terms (chichi, ane, etc.).

Talking About Other People's Families (Honorific Terms)

When referring to someone else's family members, always show respect by using honorific vocabulary: gokazoku (ご家族 - family), goryoushin (ご両親 - parents), otousan (お父さん - father), okaasan (お母さん - mother), oniisan (お兄さん - older brother), oneesan (お姉さん - older sister), otoutosan (弟さん - younger brother), and imoutosan (妹さん - younger sister). For another person's spouse, use goshujin (ご主人 - husband) and okusan (奥さん - wife), and use okosan (お子さん - child) for their children.

For example, to inquire about a classmate's mother, you would say: 'Tanaka-san no okaasan wa genki desu ka' (田中さんのお母さんは元気ですか - Is your mother doing well, Tanaka-san?). Using haha here would be grammatically incorrect because it would fail to accord proper respect to Tanaka's mother.

Counting People and Stating Family Size

To count people in Japanese, you attach the counter -nin (人) to the number, but the numbers for one and two people are completely irregular. One person is hitori (一人), and two people is futari (二人). Starting from three, regular number stems are used with -nin: sannin (三人 - 3 people), yonin (四人 - 4 people; note the pronunciation 'yo' instead of 'yon'), gonin (五人 - 5 people), and rokunin (六人 - 6 people).

To state the size of your family, use the structure: 'Kazoku wa [number]-nin desu' (家族は〜人です). For instance, 'Kazoku wa yonin desu' (家族は四人です) means 'There are four people in my family.' If you want to state how many siblings you have, you can use the existence verb imasu (います): 'Ani ga hitori to imouto ga futari imasu' (兄が一人と妹が二人います - I have one older brother and two younger sisters).

Describing Relationships and Current States

When describing where family members live or their marital status, Japanese uses the continuous state pattern -te imasu (〜ています). For example, marriage is treated as an enduring state resulting from a past event: kekkon shite imasu (結婚しています - is married). If someone is unmarried, you say dokushin desu (独身です - is single) or mada kekkon shite imasen (まだ結婚していません - is not yet married).

Similarly, to describe where a family member resides, use the particle ni (に) followed by sunde imasu (住んでいます - lives in). For example: 'Ani wa Tokyo ni sunde imasu' (兄は東京に住んでいます - My older brother lives in Tokyo). By combining these patterns, you can provide rich descriptions: 'Ane wa kekkon shite ite, Osaka ni sunde imasu' (姉は結婚していて、大阪に住んでいます - My older sister is married and lives in Osaka).